The ATC Report

"In Control" - Vol. X, No. 9

All our whining has requests to be "bloggers" have finally paid off. Yes, CBS has asked Steve and Dave to submit a "trial blog" for this week's edition of The Amazing Race. If our "trial blog" meets with their approval, we would both be actual bloggers for next season's "Return Of The Racers" - replacing Andrew and Brennan, who will be teamed together to actually run the...errrr, never mind who we will be replacing. In any event, we saved a copy of the "trial blog" that we completed and present it here for your enjoyment.

Sunday, Nov. 12, 10:07 PM: Uh, hello? Anyone here? Cool! Look, as I type, it shows up on the Internet! Now batting for the Cardinals, number 12 on your program but number one in your hearts, Daaave Cottingham!

Oh...tonight's show sucked. No redeeming value whatsoever. If you TIVO'd it, just go ahead and delete it without watching it. You know you can do that, right? Just delete it, I mean?

Well, I guess I'll leave since no one is here. I'll be back later.

Sunday, Nov. 12, 11:12 PM: OK, I'm here. Hello? Is this thing on? Hey look! When I type, it shows up on the blog! Now batting for the White Sox, number 12 on your program but number one in your hearts, Steeeeve Meitz!

I wish I had read Dave's bit before I typed. He's right. The show sucked. The only thing worse than the show was the ending. Which sucked.

Anybody else around to agree with me? Damn, this blogging crap isn't half as fun as I thought it would be.

Monday, Nov. 13, 8:44 AM: Ha ha ha! Hey look! It's Steve and Dave (LOL) from season 4! Glad to see you guys are here LOL.

When you said "sucked", I'll bet you meant that it was really good. I loved the cliff-hanger ending and can't wait to see what happens next week! Grin, LOL!

Monday, Nov. 13, 10:27 AM: Are you insane, Al? Come on, another boring "To Be Continued" ending when one of the racers opens a clue to read, "You're still racing"? You call THAT a cliff-hanger? In our season, that was just a 72 hour-long leg. We didn't need a clue to remind us that we were "still racing". This is the biggest bunch of candy-asses they've ever cast.

Monday, Nov. 13, 10:52 AM: Dave may have a point. Why not visit and find out why he has a point? Al also has a valid viewpoint. Go to to see why Al's viewpoint is valid. You can even find out what I really think about both Al and Dave at as well. And if you have nothing better to do, visit to find a whole list of things you could be doing that might really be "better".

Monday, Nov. 13, 11:38 AM: I'd like to take credit for this post, but I can't. Dave did the majority of the work on it, I just looked at it after it was done and threw in a couple of words. These are the words I added. Dave did all the rest of the work.

Monday, Nov. 13, 12:49 PM: Stever, you don't have to do that here. Here, they actually ARE your words. Remember? You typed them. You can say whatever you want, without fear of my heavy-handed editing.

Back to the show - since we won't agree that the episode sucked; can we at least agree that the cast is lousy? Come on, why can't Tyler and James finally admit that they are "confused" about their sexuality? Or are TPTB saving that for later - when T&J come clean about it being their anniversary, just in time for the Cho's to admit that they are virgins?

Monday, Nov. 13, 1:27 PM: Danger! Danger! My gaydar is pinging! Do not attempt to "Lance" Tyler and James. They will come out whenever they have had enough of the oppression and scorn heaped on them by a world that does not understand their lifestyle. You can read about that anger and scorn and hatred and abuse in my latest book. Buy it now.

Monday, Nov 13, 2:22 PM: What is with you two and gay guys? I'm gay and you don't see me make a big deal about it. CBS didn't care. You didn't see them put Father and GAY son on our information headers, did you? Huh? Oh. Never mind. Carry on.

Monday, Nov 13, 4:00 PM: I agree with Andrew. No, wait. I agree with Steve and Dave. No, that's not right. I'm confused. I have been since 2nd grade. Fine. Consider me Lanced. Whew, now I can wear my leather pants in peace. I wonder if I can get a part in "Riverdance"?

Tuesday, Nov 14, 1:22 AM: This blog thingy is kinda cool, Daver. You type and it automatically shows up on the website! You know, once something is on the Internet it must be true. I'm gonna try something here. Bo Schembechler will die tomorrow.

Wednesday, Nov 15, 2:00 PM: Whoa! He's dead as the Cubs chances in 2007! Son, I think you may have just discovered a glitch in the time/space continuum. What incredible power we have! Why we could change the world as we know it by writing. Just like Ann Coulter thinks she can. Let me try. Tomorrow my wife will rake the leaves in front of my house.

Thursday, Nov. 16, 3:26 PM: Well?

Thursday, Nov. 16, 6:03 PM: A complete and utter failure. Not only did she not rake them, she made ME do it. And the back yard too.

Weren't we supposed to be talking about something here? Was it Big Brother? Lost? Survivor?

Thursday, Nov. 16, 6:53 PM: Oh yeah, Survivor. I predict that they will get rid of Jonathan tonight. What do you think?

Thursday, Nov. 16, 6:58 PM: Nah, too obvious. I predict the tribes will merge, and Nate will buy the farm. And here's a feeling I just can't shake for some reason - I also predict that Probst will say, "I'll go tally the votes" twice. I dunno why I think that, but I do. Maybe he stutters or something.

Thursday, Nov. 16, 7:50 PM: Thank you gentlemen. We will be in touch. Don't call us, we'll call you. Does either of you have Chris Garry's phone number?

(...who knew they would suck so badly? Terrible bloggers and the column wasn't even that funny either. Brother...)