Racer Reports

Elimination Report – Dustin & Kandice

Dustin & Kandice met while rooming together at the Miss America pageant. Rivals at first, they quickly bonded and have been best friends ever since.

Elimination Report – Uchenna & Joyce

What can I say about Uchenna and Joyce?

No. Really. What can I say?

Elimination Report – Joe & Bill

"Gentlemen - to evil???"* More like "Gentlemen-to panache!" in this incarnation of The Amazing Race.

Elimination Report – Teri & Ian

Stop, Look, and Listen! So sayeth Ian (and we can assume, Teri too).

Elimination Report – Rob & Amber

Rob: "Within a period of ten minutes, you can go from being in first place to last place. It's a miserable game, this race."

Elimination Report – Dave & Mary

Mere weeks had elapsed between the airing of the TAR10 finale and the TARAS premiere. Certain doubts and fears nagged at fans' minds: Was it really worth casting two teams from the previous season?

Elimination Report – Kevin & Drew

Though it didn't come as a shock, Kevin and Drew's elimination was a hard pill to swallow. They started out on the second leg of the All-Stars Race with a bang, with Drew yanking Mary and David's bags out of the first-class overheads, but finished with a fizzle.

Elimination Report – John Vito & Jill

They didn’t learn.

The Return of the Racer Reports

To kick things off and introduce you to the TARflies and the teams, we've asked our intrepid writers to write a brief intro - summing up what happened with the team the first time out and predicting what might happen this time.

Just Write the Check

It's two hours of arguing, whining, smirking, praying and (depending on what side you are on) karma smacking or airline hindering.

I Might Be the Only One That Enjoys That

London calls to the Racers and they answer with, well, racing. Rob & Amber and Ron & Kelly manage to make up the time lost during the last leg, so this leg is a race for last between Uchenna & Joyce and Meredith & Gretchen.

What's a Gnome?

The Race says good-bye to India, reverses direction, and heads off to Turkey. Rob's cleverness bites him in the ass while Ron & Kelly's relationship might do the same to their race.

You Have a Nice-shaped Head

As they continue through India, the Racers get a 24-hour train ride instead of a nice, comfy Pit Stop. Maybe, at the next Pit Stop, they can all brush up on the art of Phrenology thanks to Joyce’s new ’do.

Just Point to Me and Don't Worry About It

The powers that be decide to psych out both the Racers and the audience. First, they send the Racers to the great equalizer that is India and then they throw in a non-Pit Stop.

No Whammies!

Fatigue is starting to set in as many of our teams are whammied by their lack of reading comprehension skills.

Are You my Bushman?

It's a roller-coaster of a week for our intrepid racers – what with all the car winning, forehead bloodying and car crashing.

Stop Before We Have an Embarrassing Moment

After last week's controversial quitting, we get an episode of noisy resignation. Time for a gumption check!

Would You Like a Mint?

It's wafer thin and certainly not enough to put you off of your meal of 4 pounds of meaty bits. That is, if the meaty bits haven't already put you off your game.

Use Your Library Voice

The tasks this week weren't just interesting to watch because they let us see some of the cities the teams were visiting, they also let us learn a lot more about the personalities of the racers.

Drive it Like You Stole it

And they're off! It's a new season and a Race full of new people…well mostly new people. Who will we grow to like or hate? And what about that one poor team we won't get to know very well?

Permanent Ulcer

After spending some time contemplating who actually won this season, Hayden isn't the only one getting a permanent ulcer thanks to TAR6.

We're so Yielded

What comes around goes around as Freddy & Kendra get their yield revenge on "the little ones." So why are Kris & Jon the ones showing some frustration this episode?

Reading is Fundamental

Once again, not reading (and comprehending) the clue does a team in. It's amazing to see how consistently fatigue does teams in by making them forget to pay attention to the details.

The Agony of Victory and the Thrill of Defeat

At long last, the moment that we've all been waiting for and the moment the show sorely needed. Some asses are done in by, of all things, an ass deficiency. It also helps that we get to see some great locations along the way.

Revenge of the Pillsbury Doughboy

It's a wacky leg as the teams ascend cliffs and stomp grapes with the beautiful island of Corsica in the background. Meanwhile, Adam, bless his heart, gives us one of the funniest visuals in Race history.

Oooh - It's Very Vibraty

The Racers try to discover The Meaning of Life in the middle of a barf-fest. Adam seems to thinks the key is in the word "funicular" – which he repeats over and over again in an attempt to create his own personal mantra.

To Be…What?

The last time I saw this many Trabants was at a U2 concert. They do seem to perform better as stage decorations than as modes of racer transportation. The racers? Some continue to annoy with their delusions of grandeur. Some just keep moseying along.

I'm Not on Steroids

It's a rollercoaster ride for the racers and our reporters. Sometimes, it's a bit hard to report on a team, but neither snow, nor rain, nor sleet, nor assholiness will keep them from their appointed tasks.

The Fickle Finger of Fate

Some of the teams appear to have lost a few brain cells at the start of the race, but most recover nicely. Regardless of what Don believes, he and Mary Jean remain decidedly undiddled.

Don't Yell!

Proceed to IKEA. Wow, never thought we'd see that on a Race clue. IKEA's a stressful place, dude! Not as stressful as a roll in the hay, but darn stressful. Sadly, there'll be one less non-yelling team next week.

But Accuracy is, You Gotta be Accurate

Some racers like to make asses out of themselves while some prefer to fall on the ones they were born with. In the meantime, Meredith and Maria get shafted.

Blue Lines, Blue Racers and one Blue Lagoon

Yah, baby! Is it just me, or did we get a whole season's worth of "baby"s in this episode? There's lots of driving, some bickering and a bit of frozen silicon.

Meet the Teams!

Hey, kiddos! It's almost time – time for a new season of the Race we call Amazing. Who are we going to love? Who are we going to hate? Since we couldn't wait for the show to start, we decided to start without it.

Racer Report – Episode Twelve

We finally get around to our finale report. Guess TARcon was a bit too much fun for some of our reporters.

Racer Report – Episode Eleven

You want drama? You want karma dished out by an Ox? Oh yeah baby, have we got a nice little multiple Emmy award winning show for you!

Racer Report – Episode Ten

Phil, WRP and Chip are just big Yield teasers. That's all there is to it. And has anyone had the following stuck in their heads since this ep? "Zorbing, Zorbing, Zorbing; Keep those Zorbs a rolling." Just me? Okay.

Racer Report - Episode Nine

It was another hair-raising adventure this week. (Oh, come on, you know that had to be said. I could have gone somewhere else with an ep that featured hair and the word "wild" – so be grateful.)

Racer Report - Episode Eight

This was obviously the episode of love. Love and carefree racing. Love, friendship and respect for cultural diversity. Or, you know, not.

Racer Report - Episode Seven

Eggs…it always seems to come down to eggs this season. Get out your barf buckets, because this week's a rough ride.

Racer Report - Episode Six

The race's first quitters bring out some mixed emotions while emotions concerning Mirna and Charla are decidedly unmixed.

Racer Report - Episode Five

The racers encounter creepy crevices, klutzy cluelessness and creaky knees as they careen from Catherine's Palace to Cairo.

Racer Report - Episode Four

Another week, another team knocked out by airport drama. We are wondering if anyone will go down thanks to caviar next week…

Racer Report - Episode Three

Much-o air-o-port-o drama-o is followed by much-o chocolate-o eating-o. After all that, there's gratuitous swimming. If you're Marsha and Jim? This leg is pretty much just plain suck-o.

Racer Report - Episode Two

Foam, balls, doggy-sex, bickering and cab fights. Ah yes, it's a race! Adios, spawns of satan. We shall miss you…or not.

Racer Report - Episode One

Season 5 gets of to a rip-roaring start. We got your ticket counter, meat carrying, missed clues blues here. Don't forget to mix in a little zip-line anxiety/joy. Doing all this stuff? Just a couple of fame whores, beauty pageant queens, televangelists and some token "normal" people. How can anyone not like this show?

Meet and Greet

Are you getting ready for the premiere of TAR5 and need to get your pre-hate, love and meh mojo going? Our opinionated bunch of TARflies are here to help.

Racer Report - The Finale

Is it really time for the last episode of season four? Where did the time go? Who wins? (Nope, not them.) Who gets naked? (Nope, still not them.) Who follows the Groanies' flight plan? (Yes, them.)

Racer Report - Episode Twelve

Who's pushing whose buttons? (And no, it's not Team Who on either side.) We start and end with 3...it's what happens in between that counts.

Racer Report - Episode Eleven

Sharks, walking down the side of a building and bad clue-reading. It was another great leg, but the forth place curse continues...red noses at half-mast everyone.

Racer Report - Episode Ten

How do the racers deal with a plate full of live, squirmy seafood? (See how I stayed away from that whole "plural of octopus" controversy?) ClownJon and those boards? Nutbunches? The Wrath of Kelly? Oh my!

Racer Report - Episode Nine

The Clown love goes into over-drive and one reporter decides therapy is the answer to Kelly and Jon. Golf anyone?

Racer Report - Episode Eight

What? You want me to write a blurb about this piece? I just spent a day of my vacation sitting in my hotel room processing and uploading photos for the site and it's almost 2am. That's the closest you are going to get to a blurb right now.

Racer Report - Episode Seven

Hey, kiddos! It's time to go back to 5th grade. Here, this cursed cab driver will take you there. Want a cookie? No? Okay, we really don't blame you.

Racer Report - Episode Six

The race takes on India and India wins. This episode was full of tension and excitement. Who's on first. No, that's not a question, it's a statement.

Racer Report - Episode Five

Tight airport connections, poo flinging, cheese carrying and eel catching...read the report of this week's most fun episode.

Racer Report - Episode Four

Fast cars, fast women and a man (perhaps too fast) who complains how hard it is for his girlfriend to have an orgasm. It's a "race"-y episode and the tension is rising.

Racer Report - Episode Three

Ahhh...Bach. Oh, sorry, wrong composer. Our racers head off to Vienna, run around some sewers, bungee (again?) and learn just how elusive a Beethoven can be. Sacher Torte anyone?

Racer Report - Episode Two

What the bleeping heck happened this week? Who's working their way into the TARflies' hearts? Just how many issues does Daria have with Russell? Who has yet to make an impression?

Racer Report - Episode One

Our show is back! What did we think of the first ep? Was the pre-hate and pre-like on the mark? How could we have left Phil off of the pre-race report?

Meet & Greet

Each week, a TARfly will be giving you a report on a team. Will the report be funny, serious or snarky? It's up to the teams and the TARflies. Let's meet them.